What is the first step to ending a bad relationship? Make 100% certain you are done. I am not a fan of divorce (my parents have been together for more than five decades) or throwing in the towel with a significant other, but when enough is enough you need steps that help you move on. Change is the hardest thing for humans to accept. We feel rejected, that I wasn’t good enough, something was wrong with me, or if only I had done this or that.
This decision is necessary to grow, and move on with your life. One that doesn’t include this other person, but it does include a new you. This is a hard concept to imagine right? I’ve been there. Your dreams are wrapped in their dreams. You’ve invested time–lots of it with this person. You’ve shared and enjoyed special moments together, and perhaps the sex was even the best you’ve ever experienced. Yup you’re breaking things off today.
Step 1. Decide that you have done everything possible, and you know in your gut that nothing else can be done. If your mate didn’t match your energy or effort in keeping things together then that should be a clear indication that your decision to end things was correct. Stick with it, don’t second guess yourself. Empower yourself to say, “No more.” This person will not hurt me anymore, will not disappoint me anymore, will not lie to me anymore, or whatever else needed to end.
Step 2. SARA–shock, anger, resistance, and acceptance. This acronym will help you understand the feelings and different stages that you will be going through. When we go through major life change, we must successfully navigate these four hurdles. They do not come in any particular order, and only time can tell how long each will last. You may even experience one or all of them several times before you get to a healthy place: a place where hearing the name of your ex will no longer cause you pain.
Step 3. There are lots of articles online regarding breakups–this one and thousands more. But these are just aids to help you. You will hurt, you will grow and it will take time. It took time to create your old life with your ex, and it will take time to move on without them. You can and will be able to do it. It won’t be easy, but you will smile again with great effort on your part and father time.